Answering Critics: “You Two Have Nothing In Common. It Won’t Work”

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  1. Married to a Filipina FB Groups..
    Age-Gap Relationships Are Wrong”

    “Filipinas Are Only After Your Money

    “You Two Have Nothing In Common. It Will Never Work”

    “You Can’t Handle A REAL WOMAN!!”

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    1. @DesertBlade18 — crab mentality and colonial mentality are actually the real reasons why the Philippines is going down like $hit going down a septic tank. Filipinos with their crab mentality and colonial mentality attitude are what destroys everything.

    2. Hi Henry. Could you comment on what happens in the advanced years to fi-lam couples? Specifically when the man cannot be cared for by wife anymore? In the US unless there is enough retirement fund the man goes to elder care home. What happen to age gap couple in PH. Will wife stay faithful even man is now elderly. I ask because this is a fear and also have not seen it discussed much. Thank you for sharing your experience!

    3. They’re jealous because they’re too afraid to leave their own country, let alone for you to make the bold step leave the comfort of your country and start anew in a country you just heard and thoroughly enjoyed learning both online and from meeting Philippine people in your own country… Follow your heart and soul, just travel there and just scout, no need to rush to get married, you just test the waters first and never mind the nay Sayers .

  2. If U read these I bet U get sick of me saying I agree. Ne & I have the important things in common & the almost meaningless things, na. She is Catholic and I am what they call Christian here. We both believe in the same God, so what is the problem. Neither of us wants someone else so that works out well. She asked me once if I was scared of the two whiches that most Filipinos believe in. I said no more then I am of the Easter bunny, Santa or Peter Pan. It got real quiet outside one night & she was actually scared that witches were out there. The damn roosters were not crowing as usual at 3AM. My first thought was maybe the witches got them. lol. That would have been a good thing but in half an hour the roosters were back. I hate Filipino roosters. Rumbling Ron

  3. I think for men, they are able to get more respect because they do a little more in an age gap relationship, and the “thing in common” does often times involve filling in the blanks for the woman. I do think however that there is a certain level of maturity that a man must find in a younger woman, or he is doomed to a life of rap music and woman taking selfies all day.


  5. From one coconut to another I agree with your insights on this topic. I’ve always felt you have to have some differences in a relationship and be connected on the important things like faith and how you will raise your children and handle finances. Relationships are difficult enough.

  6. Great work again Reekay. I do enjoy your musings, as they seem to match a lot of my own. I had a 48 year marriage, and you wouldn’t believe how different we were. I am really into computers, and she made me buy her a manual typewriter. The things we had in common: both Catholic, both believed in a traditional marriage, raising kids with the same paradigm, handling money, and having a home.

  7. Hey what’s up Henry
    What did you use to be able write on the screen in spainish. What was the spainish lessons applications?

  8. I divorced my wife because she converted to jehovah’s witnesses and i was unable to get her to return to our Catholic faith when we married. Jehovah’s Witnesses is not Christian–they dont celebrate Chistas and birhdays, they dont believe Jesus is divine and they dont believe in the Trinity, which make them non-Christian. Your position that couples must have a common spiritual path seems to validate my decision. Protestants are Christians but Jehovah’s Witnesses is a non-Christian cult and collides against and even assaults Christianity and Cathoilcism. What do you think?

    1. “can two walk together if they not be in agreement?” answer to that is, no. having the same spiritual path is, in my opinion, a deal-breaker before deciding on marriage. trying to cram two opposing belief systems into one relationship at best “kinda” works if there are no kids involved. “to each his own”, but even that is not two people sharing one faith. once kids enter the picture, then it’s an issue of which faith the kids will be taught. “and then the fights begin.” you dodged a bullet, imo.

  9. Very interesting discussion on how couples differences compliment each other and learn from each other .

  10. People just want to condemn whatever they don’t have for themselves. They need to. There’s nothing more threatening than the thought that someone else is getting something good you missed out on.

  11. Hello Henry,
    I’ve enjoyed many of your videos but seldom make a comment. What you say is always articulate and well thought out, though I think you may miss the point as far as what some of us mean in having nothing in common when there is such an age gap.
    For me if I say that, what I’m talking about is two people being from completely different generations where they grow up with different tastes in music, different types of friends, a whole different experience in life level, and often a whole different sexual energy level, … not to mention that depending on how huge that gap is, let’s talk about just plain old energy for going out and doing things. A younger person may crave a wilder lifestyle, where someone much older is ready to sit around home and relax.

    I have to admit I do know and consider a couple of people friends who are married to much younger women, and seem quite happy, but also one who’s in the same situation where in my opinion he’s not in a happy or healthy relationship at all. I guess really the maturity level of the young woman, and the energy level of the older man plays a huge role in if this is going to work or not.

    There again having some things in common I believe are important, because my Filipina wife is only 7 years younger than me, and I often would like to just rest and relax when we both have a weekend off together, .. but she seldom does. 😉

    1. i agree, but only to the extent that the same thing happens in same-age relationships. two people, same age, but one likes to party and the other is a home-body. one like heavy metal and the other prefers country/western. it’s an element that happens to both same-age and age-gap relationships so i consider it a non-issue. in either case the two people have to decide if that is a deal-breaker or not. with filipinas, not all of them are wild, party girls. especially the ones looking for marriage and family. they too want a calm home life so, it works out fine. it’s the guys who try to make a housewife out of a bargirl who are going to have the compatibility issues.

    1. i think mark twain said the best man for an office in politics is the man who doesn’t want the job. 🙂 (or perhaps it was will rogers, can’t remember for sure.)

  12. I understand your point about needing to be on the same spiritual path and I think it’s a big benefit, but not necessary. It depends on the couple. I think its good for both people to be relatively as spiritual as the next, but the same path…I think not. If that were the case and then a Christian man would only be able to have a good relationship with a Filipina and not another girl from any other Asian country, since there are very few Christians in Thailand or any other Asian country for example.

  13. Thanks mate, I’m looking at starting a relationship with a Filipino woman big age difference complete different cultures. We have our beliefs close to each other and a few other things in common and that’s about it. I fly to the Philippines in October to meet her for the first time. Life’s an adventure!

    1. Robert Wheeler I would not jump into Marriage right away. Give some time to understand the culture. Meet her family and friends , spend a lot of time getting to know them. Be truthful concerning finances. You need to know what she expects. You will end up helping the family. How much are you willing to help? If you start getting Red Flags, get away from her because there are Thousands of ladies that are very sincere that will gladly take her place.

    2. Robert Wheeler that’s awesome Robert. You’ll enjoy the Philippines. I’ve been to the Philippines twice to visit my girlfriend now fiancé. Remember that age is only a number. Enjoy your trip.

  14. As far as age gap relationships, Its a matter of western women trying to push Feminism on asian women. It really makes a western women Fighting Mad to see a western man with a younger and more attractive Asian Women. The woman’s movement has convinced many women that they don’t need a man, Well western men have found out that they don’t need western women or their attitude because of Millions of Asian Women that are more attractive, more family oriented and all the qualities that men are looking for. If a man has most of the qualities that the women is looking for, Then age is just a number.

  15. Reekay, i think of it as being like a battery that is powerful to the extent of the difference in the “+” side and the “-” side. In other words, i just told my Filipina last night, that i thought that we have a sort of “electricity” that never let’s up or quits having power, because (1) i am Western, and she is Asian, and (2) i am male and she is female, (3) i am like a yang, and she is like a ying . . so this difference is always there, and never stops creating our attraction to each other.

    1. oh . . . i need to explain something, ok? i was on your FB group (Single Friends of Reekay) just for a couple of days . . . because . . . just before i left Texas almost two years ago, to come and join with my Filipina in Thailand, i met a Filipina there in person. She (Gina) would have been my first choice for a lady friend in all of Texas that i knew of . . . but i was just already taken . . . i was already leaving to Thailand to join with Espie (now the love of my life).
      Anyway, the reason i got on the group, was to try to see if any single guys were in Texas or close to there, who might like to make friends with Gina. I think i will suggest the group to her, and beyond that, it’s pretty much none of my business. But i promise you this, she would be a treasure of a “catch” for the right guy.

  16. crypto chocolate… you made a lot of false accusations about me and then blocked me, and did so from an anonymous account. on that alone i call you out as a coward.

    you have all these questions and suspicions from far away, claiming that my previous wife divorced me because it “must be” that i was some horrible person. and you built a lot of conclusions from this. problem is, you don’t have the facts.

    she did not divorce me. i divorced her. but your assumptions that she left me because of some sinister element on my part shows where your own head is at. this is what happens when people speak without actually knowing the facts. you end up wrong on all counts. and this coming from someone too afraid to even let it be seen who they are.

  17. There are two totally insane institutions in this World………the first is War and the second is Marriage………….your use of the Divorce statistics of course doesn’t include all the unhappy marriages that stick it out for unknown reasons like the children or religious beliefs or mere financial necessity …………………if the relationship is only held together because of a piece of paper then who needs it?????……………….that piece of paper happens to be a “BUSINESS CONTRACT” and it is proof that women aren’t so stupid after-all………………..while men thought two heads were better than one…………a woman proves otherwise

  18. Reekay, in online profiles on dating websites containing almost exclusively Filipino women in the comments text box showing what the woman is looking for in a partner you will read a lot saying something like “must be god fearing”. The problem for me is that I’m an atheist. So do you have any comments where the two in a relationship don’t share the same philosophy on life?

  19. I don’t think you actually planned to do it but I want to Thank You for sharing a part of your personal life with us viewers. I know you talked about your ex before but not in so much detail. I agree with you that if you have a lot in common with someone then after awhile the relationship would be boring.

  20. I remember you referencing embracing the diversity in your previous videos. Although I agree with much of what you say, I do feel that their has to be some root commonalities. I also have never understood the expat that has a wife or gf and almost daily seems discontent and only wants to hang out with other expats or his wife/gf seems to always be busy with her friends and family. I personally know expats that don’t seem to understand their girl and are always trying and getting frustrated by asking them to repeat statements. Some men seem patient but not always. I truly believe to each his own and you choose your own path. But from the outside it isn’t easy to watch.

  21. What are the makings of a successful relationship?
    I think it comes down to expectations. Most people have never even thought about what they expect in a partner. It seems most Filipinas have very easy and specific expectations in their husband, and I think most are very upfront about those expectations: a place to live, support the children, no cheating, no hitting. Hell, the man doesn’t even need to be present most of the time, although I think that’s a lot of extra credit if he is. Most men are pretty simple beings. If she’s enthusiastic in the bedroom and feeds him, he’s pretty happy. Everything else is gravy. Of course, that doesn’t describe every man and every Filipina. But if the expectations of the other are met, it’s going to be a content relationship.

    I think recently we’ve seen American women thinking they “deserve” quite a lot from a man without bringing anything to the table for him. At least now, the fad is for them to write down that list of demands, so at least the guy knows ahead of time to avoid her.

  22. I just think its how you blend cause if you have too much in common its gets boring after a while.

  23. christmas eve opening the gifts dance an eat till 5 am. no ideal of credit,paying on time,family just shows up,

  24. Without God at the center of marriage, it won’t last. For he is the one who created it. America has relegated marriage and morality to government, and removed faith. In 1939, 89% of American couple were married.

    People look for people to fill the void in them that only God’s spirit can provide. Chemistry is fleeting. When you seek worldly answers to problems, you will never overcome.

  25. Usually all it takes is great sex for both parties, and high determination by both parties to stay together. And 20 years from now there will hardly be 50-60 year wedding anniversaries. And 10 year relationship/marriage is the norm now. And as far as the Philippines is concerned along with age of the expat 10-20 years is probably the average time they will be around. So as long as she makes him feel good, and makes her feel good its successful.

  26. I’d rather be independent and single like you. Then I’m free to talk to anyone I want without the headaches that come with obligations. Eventually when we are older it becomes important to have someone around to help us out. So, I guess it’s a trade off. Hopefully the person we choose is the right person for the job.

  27. Yep, you’re much better off if your interests and experience complement rather than coincide. The other major factor is just how much the couple *want* to make it work. A truly awesome relationship is not just discovered it is constructed, with as much blood sweat and tears as any other heavy construction project. The people who toss in the towel at the first rough patch will never know what they could have had.

  28. Reekay, yet another great video. You have a real gift for teaching. I liked the two most important things to have in common, i.e., spiritualism and goals; but, how do finances come in to play (especially since you mentioned your divorce from a wonderful relationship was “financial” in nature)? Would love to hear your thoughts on money and relationships, beyond addressing the gold digging fallacy. Again, terrific video, long time fan.

  29. You are right that there are 2 things every long term relationship must have, commitment to the relationship and then compromise. Nothing else matters. Many people claim to have both but few really do

    1. Well said, only I would add a focus on communication skills and don’t become complacent.

  30. Everything you said is so true, however, I’m from Western Europe, born and raised, I live in North America now but even in Europe we don’t believe that a couple has to have things in common, like a favourite colour, that’s just idiotic. The “having things in common” thing and the same age thing is strictly a North American belief, and like you said, it doesn’t work.

  31. Having kids is a big issue, as a retired person, my kids are grown but my young Filipina wants a child, I just can’t deny her desire to have a child, esp.since she would always regret not being a mother..

  32. Very intelligent and eloquent response! Im 35 and thinking a lot about marriage. You said things that i havent even considered before so believe me when i say that i learned quite a lot!

  33. Great vlog again. “Things in common” is pretty superficial as these things change and evolve. I would say “common values” is needed but what exactly is that and also impossible to define.

    I’m 44 and a different person than I has 10 and 20 years ago and will be in 10 and 20 years time. We can all meat someone and have that was great at that time of our life but the perfect long term relationship is to find someone who evolves together with you.

    I do believe a relationship with totally different cultural, social and economic background is statistically less likely to work but…

    If you are both open-minded enough you can learn, evolve and spark off each other. And be so thankful you have met someone totally different from each other.

    1. I agree with that to a point, but I think there has to be sexual chemistry on both sides. One cannot say a pretty young thing will be drawn to a much older, perhaps unattractive foreigner

    2. My mother used to say that the only thing opposites attract is divorce. I don’t really subscribe to that theory, but every time I see or hear that, I hear my mother’s voice.

  34. Excellent presentation in all your content. I enjoy all your videos and look forward to them each day (or week). Thanks for the effort you put into them—they mean a lot to many in the community.

  35. In a slightly different take, there is evidence that having things in common, namely the way each member of the couple uniquely and individually prioritizes their core needs as humans, such as love and belonging, security, power, freedom, and fun, will help the couple get nearer a master relationship vs. a disaster relationship. The further apart the needs are prioritized, the more likelihood there is room for conflict. These differences are usually where the conflicts are. See Dr. William Glasser for more info if interested.

  36. Hello Henry
    The computers can’t predict the human feeling, acceptance, and love in any matching site, no matter how detailed the kind of information is required from applicants!
    Liking somebody and start an Interaction, and studying each other for a period of time, and not rushing into commitments till you are undoubtedly sure she or he is the one! If during the dating period the boring and dull feelings get hold of the relation, fond thing wrong and unacceptable, lies and deceiving, or physical or psychological deterrent, just depart in peace, you are not compatible and you will never be happy in your life together.
    Most of all, no man or woman who is still married to someone else needs to get involved with, period.

    Yes some Filipina looking for financial security like any other ladies around the world but you have to look at it from another angle because there are many Filipinas who finished their college and they are already working to support them self and their family most of the time!
    Filipina survived and will still survive with or without a foreigner as a husband, and when she gets married to someone she will contribute to their household and share her hard earned money with her husband and their kids, and most of the time she will earn more than her husband’s $2000 or so pension salary, especially if she works as a doctor, nurse, engineer, lawyer etc…
    And regarding the subject of age, that she will marry any foreign man, no matter what is his age, 50, 60, 70 or older which some keep bringing it again and again!
    Will say this:
    Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
    Thanks for sharing! Best regards/Ned

  37. As long as the person you are dating is an adult I see no problem with dating someone younger. Do what makes you happy 😊

  38. When I was in the Philippines I found it very easy to get along with most Filipinas, unlike American women, i was familiar with the culture which I think makes a big difference.
    The problem with computer Matching is the info must be entered and women tend to lie.

    1. Everyone lies, or exaggerates/downplays their shit, more accurately! One thing the women on Filipina dating sites should do, is be forthcoming about having kid(s)! I married a lady without any, but many of her associates thought they could win a man’s heart, and “surprise” him with kid or two once she had him(slept with him)hooked! Not cool, and not a good strategy! Men lie more, and exaggerate more, IMHO! One buddy of mine was telling women the nice house he rented was his! Sure, compared to tin roofs, and no hot water, just about any western home would seem fancy, but she’s gonna figure it out if you bring her to your country! lol!

  39. Regardless of, age gaps, race, culture, or things in common, relationship success hinges on, chemistry, trust, and the ability to put forth the effort to keep the relationship alive.

    My ex wife was the most insecure woman I have ever known. I saw her faults early on, but I ignored them. In her mind, it was the responsibility of the husband to make the entire world turn. After awhile I got tired of shouldering the load, and having to put forth all the effort.

    It was what I call an 80/20 relationship. The Lions share of finances, and emotional stability, always seemed to fall on me.

  40. I understand religion is a big part of someone who is more dedicated to their religion, but the “fly-by thesist” usually don’t care. I am buddhisst and my wife is Catholic and married 6 yeara strong.

    1. In Australia the average length of marriages which have ended in divorce is about 11 years. I understand that in the USA its less than 11 years but I defer to Reekay on that. My marriage went down hill rapidly at the 11 year mark. The things we didn’t have in common were attitude towards finances and the way we raised our children. As marriages can be complicated arrangements there could be other factors that brought ours to an end.

    2. very true. the fact that neither is hardcore adamant about their beliefs allows them to be flexible and stay together. they are both casual in their declared belief-system so, they have that in common. 🙂

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